It is the opinion of many people that abusive relationships in which one person is being physically abusive towards the other cannot benefit from couples counseling until the battering issue is dealth with first. Sanctuary for the Abused gives the following reasons why couples counseling does not work in this case:
- Couples’ counseling places the responsibility for change on both partners. Domestic violence is the sole responsibility of the abuser.
- Couples’ counseling works best when both people are truthful. Individuals who are abusive to their partners minimize, deny and blame, and therefore are not truthful in counseling.
- Couples resolve problems in counseling by talking about problems. His abuse is not a couple problem, it is his problem. He needs to work on it in a specialized program for abusers.
- A victim who is being abused in a relationship is in a dangerous position in couple’s counseling. If she tells the counselor about the abuse, she is likely to suffer more abuse when she gets home. If she does not tell, nothing can be accomplished.
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